Have you ever been advised to "choose your battles" or pondered, "Is this really the hill I want to die on?" These are common phrases when dealing with, teaching, or parenting children. Perhaps you've felt the urge to stand your ground, thinking, "Yes, I'll take a stand because it's crucial for this child to learn (insert lesson here)." What if there was a new mantra that doesn't involve anyone having to engage in a battle or defend a hill AND holds students accountable? Enter your new mantra: "Time and Place" – repeat it in your mind and say it outloud to reinforce those neural connections.
Now that you have this new phrase in your toolkit, let's explore how to apply it. In a recent consultation with a school-based team addressing a student with an extensive trauma history and an intensive behavior intervention plan, a situation arose. The student, having moved into a new foster home, arrived at school with pristine sneakers in an orange Nike box. He didn’t want them to get dirty, so decided to change into his new shoes once he got to school in a Mr. Rogers-esque way. As he struggled to lace them up and started dropping explicit language, the staff questioned whether they should intervene and address the inappropriate language immediately.
Instead of making it a hill to die on, I prompted them to consider "time and place." Addressing the swearing issue in the heat of the moment might escalate the situation. The first-year teacher recognized that trying to correct profanity then and there would lead to additional colorful language and possibly aggression. We agreed that while we didn't want to condone swearing, it wasn't the appropriate time or place to address it. Instead, we reminded the student that he could ask for help.
Later, when the student used a milder expression, "Fudgecicle," during a card game, we seized the opportunity to reinforce a more acceptable word. We withheld attention for the explicit language and positively reinforced the use of the alternative expression, which is referred to as “differential reinforcement." Differential reinforcement is where one response is put on an extinction (reinforcement is withheld) and a more appropriate behavior is reinforced. In subsequent teaching sessions, we could incorporate lessons on the appropriateness of language in different times and places.
When you find yourself in a challenging situation, ask yourself whether intervening in the moment will turn it into a crisis or worsen the problem. If the answer is yes, it's not the right time. This doesn't mean ignoring the issue or not holding children/students accountable but rather choosing a moment when all parties are calm and receptive to learning a more appropriate alternative. By applying the "Time and Place" mantra, we can navigate challenges without unnecessary conflict, fostering a more constructive and safe learning environment for everyone.
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