Not Even for a Million Dollars

If you offered me $1,000,000 to solve a calculus problem, I couldn't do it. I would try with every ounce of my being to solve it because there are many things I would love to spend a million dollars on. Even if you told me that not solving the calculus problem would result in harm to my family, I still wouldn't be able to solve it. All my executive functioning skills would be out the window, and I would immediately go into fight, flight, or freeze mode with no ability to complete even the simplest math problem. The thing is, no amount of reinforcement or threats of punishment are going to get me to complete a calculus problem because I don't know how to do calculus. Those skills are not in my repertoire. When I think back to some of my more frustrating moments as a parent, this was the missing piece from the equation (pun intended).

My kids were struggling to turn in their homework. When they did their school work and turned it in, they usually did pretty well; however, their grades reflected many missing assignments. I tried all the usual threats of taking away video games, losing their cell phones, and taking away the car keys. "D's don't get keys" was my clever saying for a while. We drafted a behavior contract with expectations clearly spelled out, detailing what the kids would get if they turned in their school work, the consequences for missing assignments, and we all signed it. We even offered to pay for good grades. None of it worked. It was a blow to the behavior analyst ego when you can't even change the behavior of your own children! I asked myself what was different about my students at school. What was I doing differently to meet their needs and make meaningful change? And then it hit me.

I was treating the problem of missing assignments like a calculus problem. I assumed that they had the skill, and if I just reinforced or punished them enough, they would turn in their school work. Turns out they had missing skills in their repertoire. Executive functioning skills are "brain-based skills required for humans to effectively execute or perform tasks and solve problems," (Guare, R., Dawson, P., & Guare, C., 2013. Smart but Scattered Teens, The Guilford Press, NY). In the book, 11 executive functioning skills are identified. The skills required to turn in school work on time include sustained attention, task initiation, planning/prioritizing, organization, and time management. If any of these skills were missing, no amount of rewards or punishment was going to solve the problem.

Adolescence is a difficult time for many reasons, and one of those is that executive functioning skills are developing. The human brain is pruning neural connections that are no longer being used and strengthening new ones. If you've ever heard the phrase "use it or lose it," it comes into play here. The more we use and practice skills, the stronger the neural connection in the brain, and the more a skill will become part of our repertoire. This is also why it can be difficult to parent and/or teach teenagers because one day they seem to be able to pull it all together, and other days they act like they've never seen or heard about what you are trying to tell/teach them.

Once I realized my error, I was able to talk with my kids and have them identify strategies that would help them stay organized. Instead of taking away their technology, we figured out how to use it to give them reminders to do their homework and turn it in before it was due. I could then reinforce them for using their strategy rather than punish them for not doing something they didn't have the skills to do. Now they were able to strengthen their executive functioning skills, and it improved our relationship because I understood that this was a skill deficit, not a performance deficit. They were trying; it's just they were never going to be able to do it without instruction… even if I paid them a million dollars.